MY BLOG!!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

I laid still, very still. Cold and lonely in the abyss. Darkness was the only thing that surrounded me. Vaguely I could feel the warmth coming from outside, reaching for me, calling for me. The calling seem so real, so near. I could sense the paradise waiting for me outside, reaching out for me, waiting to grasp my hand, to embrace me and pull me out from the nether.
NO!! I turned away. This is not true! They once took everything away from me and threw me here in solitude! I will not be fooled again! The laughters, the warmth, the sanity. This is where I should belong! This is where no one will be able to take anything away from me again. This is where I should be, deep in the abyss hidden from the rays. Slowly. I brought my knees to my hands.
"The darkness will protect me", I said to myself as I closed my eyes.
I froze there, keeping my thoughts out. The only thing on my mind was to remain still, to hibernate in solitude....

School's gonna start soon. Which means that vacation is going to end too. I did quite a lot of things for this month of July. Went for FOC, passed my advanced theory while half awake and I just finished my ICT. ICT was enjoyable. 12 days was a breeze cause it wasn't that tough. Think the army had changed alot since i ORD. The welfare, the food and even the training. Haha made used of the chance to earn as much as i could during the in camp. Got my marksman (200bucks), got silver for IPPT (200bucks), helped KL get silver for his IPPT (150bucks) and salary (240bucks).. shiok right?? Got free meals everyday and ripped them off so much $$. But the most enjoyable part about ICT was not the $$ but all my platoon mates. It was a great bonding session. All the fun we had making fun of people. The bdae tekan on Ck, locking edwin into the cupboard, plucking his eyebrow, stuffing JW into the duffel bag, the late night talks with WH, the forever garung det1, everything was so memorable! Makes me feel like I am back in 1SIR!! The good old days!! Can't imagine an ICT w/o u guys... Strangely, no matter how much I enjoyed my ICT, I hate the feeling of booking in on Sun. The surge of sadness upwelling in me was unbearable. I had no idea where it came from or how it came about. No matter what I do it just wun leave me... it had been following me for 2 and half yrs and its still there.
No matter what, ICT had passed. Now whats left is my job, hatta make full use of the remaining few days to earn as much commission as possible. To hit my tarfet of 100bucks per day. Wah!! Unknowingly I have typed such a long entry.. guess its time to stop le. Nights to those reading this.

CANTtakeIT;11:07 PM

Monday, July 11, 2005

HiHi!! Yes! 2day is the 11th of July. Guess what! I will be reporting back to camp in 7hrs time! ^_^ haha got an upwelling of mixed feeling. FYI i was late for in-processing last yr lor...suppose to report at 0730 but i woke up at 0700.. panic i was..
Feeling nostalgic cause i missed my platoon mates, missed the bonding times. Haha but at the same time i dun feel like going back~ cause i still have alot of things to do!! but~~~~... HERE WE GO AGAIN!!
hope there will pple that will be missing me as i MIA for the 2 weeks?? wahaha till i come back bah!!
MOOD FORECAST : EUPHORIC!! ^_^

CANTtakeIT;12:40 AM

Saturday, July 09, 2005

hihi guys and gers!! haha noticed that i haven been blogging for a very very long time. one of my avid fan told me that...n YESH!! I HAVE A FAN!!
ITS DUE TO MY HETIC SCHEDULE!! haa i guess that is an excuse eh?? But its half true lah... just been back from orientation camp, it was FUN!! super FUN!! its these kinda things that make me feel great about being an NUS undergrad. DAMN! and the exams will spoilt everything!!
Just to do abit of updating about myself, I FOUND A JOB! i am working as a high class PIMP as what P will always say. Quite a stoopid job but the pay is good so i just have to endure with all the hardship.
N guess what!! reservist is coming!! yesh!! 11th july!! finally the gathering of us assholes again.. so fun!! WE R GOING TO HAVE LOTTSA FUN!! just u watch out edwin!! be prepared!! be scared!! be petrified!!

Hmm... before all these, i was always whinning that i have a lot of time. A lot of free time to kill. So bored!! Nothing to do!! But the sudden change of life and everything is so packed now. In fact i am starting to feel the irony of life. Have been planning something these few days and waiting for a good chance, a day when i am free. But i guess i wun have the chance or shld i say i am not given the chance? haha some times its so great to marvel at how complex and miraculous life is eh?? How things would always go against you and hit u straight in the face and at ur weakest spot while u sit there complaining about LIFE.
"ASK NOT WHAT LIFE CAN GIVE U...BUT WHAT U CAN MAKE OF LIFE!"

CANTtakeIT;1:14 AM

'andI;

Name CCK
BDAE 24 Nov 1982
Email
cazlex@yahoo.com
Friendster
cazlex@yahoo.com
MSN
taz_alex@hotmail.com

'CAN'T;

DISCLAMER : THIS BLOG IS A ColleCTION of THOTS... Owner Does not hold any responsiblity for ANy ANIMALS/BEAST/pigs/or whateva that were hurt in the process...

'TAKE;

"Because of you"

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I have learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray
too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole
to start with
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night
in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
Because of you
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you I never stray
too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play
on the safe side so I don’t get hurt

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to
let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life
because it’s empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you

'IT;

-MY HISTORY-

May 2005

June 2005

July 2005