MY BLOG!!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I think I am dead...

*FNA exams total of 4 questions. Candidates are required to finish withnin 2 hours*

I sat there for 2 hours flipping the question paper here and there.
Question 1: Don't know how to do... Skip!
Question 2: Know half only.. SKip!
Question 3: Know how to do the calculation.. Half the question.
Question 4: Times up!!

*ALL exam candidates are to put down their pen. ANyone caught writing will be deem as cheating and will be dealt with disicplinary actions.*

OMG!! Save me!! I totally blanked out during the paper!!!

Thinking: "Am i suffering from some sort of post-teen brain stagnant syndrome? I cant seem to think @ all while i am sitting taking an exam..."
My synapse feels like a gouge.... tranmission through a bottomless pit...... cannot receive anything also!!

Or am i suffering the unescapable signs of aging??
Can no longer memorize formulae and definition like last time... cannot rem if i took my pills.. my fading memories of what i used to do while i was in JC...

*desperate for a cure...*

CANTtakeIT;12:06 AM

Sunday, April 23, 2006

I was reading upon the paper and i chanced upon this article that I cannot stop thinking about it.

The story touched my heart and stirrred so much emotion withnin me that i wanna share this with all my friends who are reading this blog entry.

here goes an excerpt from the newspaper article:
"Imagine having to cope with cancer at 18? this is one lesson no one will ever learn in school but it turned out to be the lesson of my life....
I have always been a fighter. Whenever I have a problem , i do not whine about it nor do i cry. Instead i think of the best way to tackle the problem and put the solution into action.
I am a firm believer of the notion of that as long as i try hard enough, nothing is impossible.
ALl of a sudden, i felt anger in me. Why should i bow to cancer? Why should i be sad? At that moment, all i wanted was to fight. I wanted to punch the lump in my neck with my own bare fist. If cancer wants a fight, i will take it on any time, any day...
It all ended in April 2005. I officially turned from cancer patient to cancer survivor. Victory never tasted so sweet.
From now on, i know i will only get better and better. I was finally going to get my life back.... I can live to see my futur, i can live to realise my dreams, i can smell the flowers, i can feel the cool wind on my face, i can see thew faces of my loved ones. The fight was worthwhile. Every single moement of it. "

this excerpt was written b4 her condition became worst.

After reading the story, i was so dejected and sympathetic that i visited her blog and started blogging even though i have a paper 2molo.(which i have not finish studying) Her story really touched me. How life is so fragile and unpredictable and to become a victim of illness.
Its the saddest thing on earth to know that you will be dying, to know that an the gate has been lowered upon your life, to count the days approaching, to see yourself fading away, yet remain so helpless.....
Yet i admire her courage, her bravery and her determination. I still rem telling my mum once while watching NKF.

"I would commit suicide by jumping off the building if i ever kena this kinda illness.."

Yet now i am reading the story of this ger who is battling the crutches of deadth. Yet she is so strong and determined to fight and win this battle.
How my heart sank when i read that she cannot even keep her head upright for long without a head rest due to the cancer cells attacking her spinal cord.

Ger, your one person who have really gained my respect in every aspect after i read about your story. Stay strong and continue fighting. Though i am not a catholic, i can feel the strong faith that you have. Helpless i am but i shall pray for you also....

*if anyone of your are interested to read more about her story, here is the link....*
Joan Chan's site

CANTtakeIT;9:35 PM

Friday, April 21, 2006

Ok!! Whining session again!!
OMG!! i cant believe it!! 2day i bump into RUBBISH again!!

Think ZT is a jinx. Everytime i walk around central lib with him, i will bump into RUBBISH.
this time its even worst, its a head on encouter. I had no drain to dive into. No rubbish bin to hide behind. I was wearing slippers... no laces to fake tying, no IVP jacket to hood my face. Worst of all, it was a clear view face to face encounter.

*How to concentrate mugging like that??*

CANTtakeIT;11:44 PM

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Been feeling very down these few days. Strange for this to be happening.
The backstabbing ME3102 project is done, the shitty FNA1002 is history and i only have 2 paper.
Its not the exam stress.... i have plenty of time to mug for it but i am lacking the drive to start something serious...

Its my phone that has been troubling me...
My MMC is spoilt... think W must be grinning when he hear this. "RUBBISH" is gone.... so is everything... yah n i mean EVERYTHING
I am desperate for solutions!! tried the card reader and even that wun help... MMC WIPED CLEAN MY MEMORIES!!
just as i am racking my brains over this shit, the RUBBISH appeared!!
*while walking along the aisle from chinese lib to reference!!*
DAMN!! its really fated i would say......
2 perfect strangers caught each other's glaze et viola!! strangers they remain....

*exams.... exams... intern... money.... money... *

ARGGHH!!! i can't stand it!! i am back 5 mins later after i just finsih blogging... cant stand how unfortunatei my day is!!
"EH bro... 2molo what time u going to office ar??"
"2molo my i taking leave... not going to work........"
shit... intending to reach sch the 1st thing in the morn to mug.. think have to change plans...

CANTtakeIT;11:18 PM

Monday, April 10, 2006

The weekend ended just like that. It was filled with excitment as well as anger.

Think i should start on the more fun part to calm myself down before i set into a rage again.
WO~ met up with my S8 JC class mates on Fri n we went drinking as usual. This time @ siglap there.
This time was cause Cl stayed at East Coast Road so it was like dirt near home n XH was driving. Come to think of it, i think the place's not bad after all, minus the distance but Cl paid for the cab fare cause got company claim.

Seat down there n we started playing DA DI..Had a HOEGARDEN n a bailey's only this time.
*Hmm.. doesn't this bored everyone?? Wahaha.. the exciting part is yet to come man!~ *
Unknowingly, time flies n it was 2 le!! Everyone wanted to go home le.. but XH wun drive me home cause ECP always got road block. SO in the end i drove everyone home n i took a cab back home~

YESH!! U heard it right!! i drove!! i drove them home!! Wahaha!! XH let me drive the car!
I drove down EC road to send Cl back then after that took the PIE to XH's house @ Toa Payoh!!
Yeah man!! Down the PIE man!! Without a license n drink driving some more!!
Wo~ the 1st car that i drove is a MITSUBISHI green COLT!! n i HIT 100!! haha
It was so cool man~ but come to think of it.. if i kena road block... thats it liaoz...
N i had to take a cab home after that from toa payoh... haha but it was all worth it..

Ok.. nows the bitching session after the fun. Stoopid SHIT!! i have been coupe up @ home with the FNA project. Looked at the odd questions that Val n HC did. WTH!! Are they stoopid or what??
"refer to pg210, textbook" <------ are u trying to tell the lecturer to look for the answer in the textbook??
N they got the guts to do one line answers when the report is 15% of the final!!
I had to look all the answers by them 1 by 1 n change them!! Out of 8 questions, they only got 1.5 correct lor!! ARGGHHH n the answers are horrible!! n they still dare to ask me what is wrong.. ASS!! make me waste my wonderful weekend!! ARGGghh... my blood is boiling again...

CANTtakeIT;1:32 AM

Friday, April 07, 2006

Now is 0015 @ night le n later is my french test. The final test for this sem n i can say au revoir to french..
However so, I still dun have the mood to study.. Maybe because i over worked yest so i feel like nua-ing... Was staring @ msn n i triple confirmed this time for this sem (Each sem i have to confirm once) that there are some pple that will always leave scars in you. Guess have been so biz until my mind is starting to go hay-wire n think rubbish stuff. Think i really need a get away... i swore i will cherish bedtime hours and the luxury of sitting down to have a decent lunch.
Haiz... time to hit the books again~
-.-"

CANTtakeIT;12:11 AM

'andI;

Name CCK
BDAE 24 Nov 1982
Email
cazlex@yahoo.com
Friendster
cazlex@yahoo.com
MSN
taz_alex@hotmail.com

'CAN'T;

DISCLAMER : THIS BLOG IS A ColleCTION of THOTS... Owner Does not hold any responsiblity for ANy ANIMALS/BEAST/pigs/or whateva that were hurt in the process...

'TAKE;

"Because of you"

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I have learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray
too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole
to start with
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night
in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
Because of you
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you I never stray
too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play
on the safe side so I don’t get hurt

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to
let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life
because it’s empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you

'IT;

-MY HISTORY-

May 2005

June 2005

July 2005